God is in Control . . .

This is a simple but very true statement; one that I know, but one that I needed to be reminded of on many days.

It all started with a phone call.  I was home taking care of Noah, and Fred was working at the hospital covering OB.  A pregnant young lady had come in complaining of leaking fluid.  On exam it was confirmed that her water had broke.  By ultrasound and dates she was only about 18 weeks (the baby needs to be at least 23-24 weeks in the US to be considered “viable” –meaning the baby can live outside of the mother; here it is closer to 26 weeks).  Fred called me to discuss her case and what our next steps should be.  We decided on keeping her in the hospital on bed rest and with IV fluids.

This is a complicated case even in the US.  It became even more complicated a few hours later when my husband was asked to come and re-examine the patient as she’ was feeling something different.  He called me to discuss that he’d seen a good portion of the umbilical cord protruding through the cervix.  There were still strong fetal heart tones at this time. But a bleak situation became even bleaker for the chance of survival of this baby.  We discussed with the family the very low chance of survival for the baby.  It would need to survive until at least 26 weeks in utero and then it would still have a rough way to go –the baby would need many supportive measures for weeks to follow –IF it survived until then and that was the huge looming question.

As I was seeing the patient that morning in the hospital and explained again to them the gravity of the situation, the family asked a question that at first surprised me.  They wanted to know if we could terminate the pregnancy.

This was a hard but very valid question.  The chance that this baby would even survive was slim to none and the costs that the family could incur by waiting things out could mean food or clothes or other necessities for daily life.  The problem: this baby was still alive!  At first my immediate reaction was, “No way can we end things now.”  But then I started talking with some of the OB nurses and some other missionaries and the question came back to me, “Are we being selfish by wanting to preserve our own conscious for what could be a few days to a week or two in possibly sacrificing this family’s basic economic ability to meet daily basic needs?”

I felt like Jacob when he was wrestling with the angel in the Bible.  I wrestled with this question; I came to the point of tears many times –being tired after many days of working didn’t help.  I talked with other missionary physicians and had gotten different opinions on what direction we should go.  I felt confused.  “God,” I prayed, “I need help.”  I sought out one of our hospital pastors.  In my broken French I explained the situation to him and then asked him what his thoughts were as I sat there broken and weary and at the verge of tears again.  I honestly don’t remember too much of all of what he said but the one thing I do remember was that he reminded me that God is in control and I should not worry about it but let Him handle it.  It was as if a sudden wave of relief washed over me as I passed that burden off of my shoulders and on to God’s.

It is hard being a physician sometimes when everyday we’re asked to “be in charge” –to make decisions for patients’ care, medications, etc, to remember that ultimately it is not us, but God who is in control.  We do the best we can and then we need to leave it in his hands.  It is very true that if by “worrying we cannot add a single hour to our life, why then do we worry about the rest?”(Luke 12:25-26). God did answer.  During that night, fetal heart tones were lost and she expelled the pregnancy with only a little help from us.   We talked and prayed with the patient and the family before they went home the next day.  Thank you God for reminding me of who is ultimately and in everyway is in control.

God bless.

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